my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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