Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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