tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
