I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
