she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize