She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
