I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
