The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's blow job season.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
