im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
