Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
