1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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