my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
