Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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