I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
