If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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