I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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