Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
