so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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