Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
