that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
