is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i love accidental penises.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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