just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
