Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
