What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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