To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Vodka?
Forever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize