dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize