I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize