It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
50% drunk capacity currently
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
