eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
