Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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