i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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