wat bout pragnant strippers??
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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