If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
