Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
