Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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