We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
