writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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