There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
