I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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