i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
