Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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