Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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