If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
now i know why i became what i already was.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
