Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
