That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
