I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
