I am in a vortex of obligation.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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