I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
