he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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