I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
