she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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