Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
