When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He shit in the fireplace
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
