five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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