paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
