Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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