I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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