I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
