Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
