i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
