I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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