well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
