Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
