Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
