dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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