I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
