Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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