i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
