I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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