Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
