I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
