I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
