So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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