After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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