I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
