Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
