This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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