I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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