i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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