Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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